


Your Light

by Acardiganundersomeonesbed



Category: K-pop, Music - Fandom, TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: A little kissing, College, F/M, Falling In Love, Fanfiction, Idols, Love, Love Triangles, My First Work in This Fandom, Quite a lot of crying, Student Kang Taehyun, a little fluff, and more Love, bored idols, excited fangirls, lots of hugs, with bromance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:54:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 19,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29039724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acardiganundersomeonesbed/pseuds/Acardiganundersomeonesbed
Summary: Falling in love isn't easy,And falling in love with a celebrity takes the pain up a notch.You can't have a typical love story when the person who stole your heart is a K-pop idol.When a love has to fight the world and the time, will it last?Will it survive?
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/You, Kang Taehyun/You
Comments: 10
Kudos: 16





	1. An Angel that fell to the Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking time to read my story, each and every read, kudos and comment means a lot to me.  
> this is my first ever fan fiction, this story is also available in Wattpad by the same name. Currently, Wattpad has more chapters since i started writing there, I'm adding the chapters here and trying to update simultaneously, within a few days i shall try to update both at the same time.
> 
> Thank you for your support!

I was sitting alone at the bus stop, when it had started to rain. 

The clock ticked closer to 10.30 pm as I waited for the last scheduled bus for my route. 

I removed my earphones to listen to the rainfall as I hugged myself tighter, wrapping my coat around my college textbooks. 

I grew a little worried as the bus hadn't arrived yet. In South Korea, the buses were mostly always on time. But of course with my luck, I always manage to be in the minority population for whom the bus never arrives on time. 

Blame the exams. 

I had stayed over at the library studying for the exam tomorrow and I didn't realize the time flying by. 

Despite hours of preparation, I still wasn't confident.

The paper was Neuro Psychology and it wasn't my cup of tea.

The theories and terms spun inside my mind as I tried to drown them with the sound of rain droplets. 

The street light started to flicker. 

I sighed. 

I hear the sound of footsteps splashing the puddles, echoing in the empty road. 

I turned to the figure which ran towards the bus stop into it's shelter. 

It was a boy. 

He wore a black mask and had pulled his white hoodie over his head. 

His black hair dripped on his forehead and he was fully drenched. 

"Aish"

He cursed as he opened his sling bag and took his semi wet books.

His voice sounded sweet as he removed his hood and brushed his hair. 

I noticed a symbol on his hoodie, it was that of Seoul University. 

A college student. 

I silently wondered if all universities had taken an oath to wring their students. 

I sighed again, leaned back, shivering a little because of the cold metal and closed my eyes. 

The boy sits at my extreme left and fusses with his books. 

The wind blew harsher and rain came down even more harder than before. 

And the bus still wasn't here. 

I peeked at my wristwatch, the hour hand closer to 11 now.

God. My stomach grumbled. I need food. I was dead tired. I had to get up early tomorrow. 

And I was cold. 

I considered burning my textbooks and starting a fire.

But then again, I didn't have a lighter or a matchbox. 

My thoughts wandered to the boy next to me. 

Would he have a matchbox? 

It was all hypothetical of course. I wouldn't even think of damaging the books. They were far too expensive.

What was this day where everything that can go wrong, went wrong? 

Another strong breeze hits me and I start shivering involuntarily. I shifted in my seat uneasily. 

How was I supposed to get home? 

I feel a tap on my shoulder. 

The boy. 

He mumbles something, I cannot hear due to his mask. 

I blink. 

He stops in realization. 

"Sorry", he says a bit louder. 

He proceeds to remove his mask. 

I blink again. 

I know this boy. 

My mind races with my heart, all those nights which I slept listening to his songs, the random glimpses of his face in posters and internet articles. 

That concert night. 

His big chocolate eyes look down at me as he says something. 

I couldn't hear anything but not because he wasn't speaking loud but my brain had simply stopped functioning. 

Time seemed to freeze,

The rain,

The wind, 

My breath stopped,

The street light stopped flickering and seemed brighter, as I studied the handsome angel that stood before me. 

That's when I would first realize the meaning of star struck. 

He was a member of one of the most successful kpop groups in South Korea. 

I was stuck in the bus stop with, 

Kang Taehyun.


	2. The blessings of Greta

I realized I was just staring and didn't listen to what he was saying. 

He paused and looked at me. 

Kang Taehyun. Kang Taehyun. It's fricking Kang Taehyun. 

The thought repeated itself on my mind.

He waited for me to say something. 

"Huh?", I managed to exclaim. 

"My phone has run out of battery and I need to make a call. 

Can I borrow your phone?", he asks me and this time, I focus on his each word, trying to ignore the sound of my pounding heart in my ear. 

"yeah, yeah! Sure!", I nod. 

I keep my textbooks on the seat and grab my purse. 

I fumble with my earphones and pull out my phone as my hands tremble slightly.

As I hand him my phone,

A huge thunder crackles overhead making us both jump, 

My phone slips from my fingers. 

"No!"

but Taehyun moves faster than me and catches it before it hits the hard concrete. 

"Sorry", I murmur to him. 

He simply gestures a ok sign. 

He walks away from me as he dials the number and starts to talk to someone. 

I turn the other way, mentally scolding myself for being so clumsy.

The time was almost 11.30 pm and still not bus in sight. 

I didn't know if I should be thankful or sorry that the bus was late. 

Of course, I meet Kang Taehyun but I did have an exam tomorrow. 

"Thank you", I turn to his voice as he returns my phone and sits next to me. 

Oh god. Oh god. 

I put it inside my purse and face him.

"Apparently, this route has been flooded and the buses won't function until tomorrow", he tells me. 

This information worries me a lot even if it came from his soulful voice. 

How was I going to get home?? 

Should I call one of my friends?

But none of my friends would be able to come, they still needed their parents permission to go out. 

And besides they would already be asleep after the heavy study session. 

I didn't have a guy friend who I was that comfortable enough to call and ask him to pick me up. 

Should I call a cab? 

Can I trust the cab? 

The news I read in the morning of girls being kidnapped by a mystery taxi driver comes to my mind. 

No.

Definitely no. 

"Umm. Since how long have you been a fan?"

The question snaps me back to reality, I blink. 

The Angel looks at me. 

I process his question and blush. 

"Yeah... From your debut... ", I reply. 

"Ah. Nice", he nods, "So, how are you going home?"

"I... Don't.. Know", I admit. 

" I don't think any of my friends would be able to come."

"Your parents?", he asks me. 

I hesitate and look away from his face. 

He must have picked my hesitation as he begins to speak, 

"I called one of my hyungs to come and pick me up. If you don't have a ride, we could give you one"

My mind freezes again. 

He's going to drop me home? One of his hyungs...... Another TXT member? Am I that lucky? When did this day get this good?

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to trouble you guys." I tell him. 

"Yeah. It isn't a problem. We will drop you off first. Plus, you are a MOA, we need to take care of our fans", he smiles at me. 

My heart starts pounding again. 

This is once in a lifetime opportunity, Grab it, Something tells me

I nod timidly. 

I'm going to be dropped home by my idols. 

Every Fangirl's dream. 

Some Deity somewhere is surely helping me out. 

"Thank you", I whisper to the kind Deity, 

A thunder strikes again and I jump, 

Accidentally bumping my hand into Taehyun's.

I blush away as he grins. 

The Deity has heard my thanks.


	3. A new beginning

The wait was initially quiet. 

I frequently stole glances at him, studying his face in the street light and the occasional lightening that split the night sky. 

The sound of rainfall and the breeze made the bus stop seem like a tiny world. 

A magical island. 

With just him and me. 

I never got used to his handsome face. 

His huge brown eyes, his soft pink lips and the way his eyes smiled softly when he catches me looking at him. 

I always tell myself to stop looking at him but I end up failing anyways. 

So I stopped trying to stop myself and I started a conversation with him. 

This night was one to be remembered and I was not going to waste it and regret it later. 

We talked about our classes, I asked him some questions about his comeback which he slyly avoided so we stuck to the college. 

He was doing an Arts and Music course in Seoul University and he was working on a project and had got late. 

I was talking about my Psychology course and my exam tomorrow and my strict professor. 

"Can I get your autograph?", I blurted out in the middle of my sentence. 

He stared at me and laughed, "Sure."

I grabbed one of my textbooks, flipped to the blank page at the back and handed him a pen. 

Just as he finished signing the page, a loud car horn startled us. 

A gray car pulled up in front of us. 

"YA! Get in!"

My ears recognised the familiar voice before the black window rolled down. 

Choi Yeonjun was here to pick us up.


	4. A night like a magical dream

I hesitate. 

Choi Yeonjun gives me a smile that warms me up in the cold weather. 

The rain is now a slight drizzle and the air turns foggy. 

Taehyun gestures me to move as he opens the back door for me. 

I grab my purse and books tightly as I stride forward and get inside the vehicle. 

I sit at the back, frozen like a statue while the two idols sit in the front having a conversation. 

I introduced myself to Yeonjun and thanked him for giving me a ride. 

"No problem. TXT is always here to rescue our MOA", he winked at me and I felt my heart skip a beat. 

I told him directions to my house and enter the location in the GPS. 

The car is warm and comfy. 

I feel the weight of my day and the initial amazement of meeting my idols is gone, drowsiness sets in. 

The fear of tomorrow's exam creeps in slowly. 

I didn't have to fight it too much as tiredness took over the reins. 

With their soothing voices in the background, I fall asleep. 

___________________________________________

"Hey. Wake up"

A hand shakes me out of my nap. 

I stir up, rubbing my eyes and sit upright. 

For a moment, Taehyun's face takes me by surprise again before I remember I was in the car with him and Yeonjun and they were dropping me home. 

Yeonjun looked at me with humour in his eyes and a slight smile. 

"We are here", Tae announces. 

I look outside the window to see my house at my right side, the rain had completely stopped but the weather must be colder now. 

"Ah. Thank you again", I bow as I collect my books and purse. 

"All the best for your exam tomorrow.", he wishes me. 

"Fighting!", Yeonjun holds out his fist.

I smile and nod, still not fully awake. But just as I grab the door handle to open and I stop.

A thought hits my mind. 

I turn back to look at Yeonjun and then Taehyun. 

As if he read my mind, he starts laughing. 

"You want his autograph too?", he points at his hyung. 

I grin and hand him my textbook and a pen. 

___________________________________________

I enter the passcode and stumble inside my dark house. 

I change into pjs and cook myself rameyeon in a daze, feeling heavy and light at the same time. 

I sit and eat in silence and for some reason, my house feels lonely. 

The house that I lived in alone for 7 years suddenly seemed strange. 

Random thoughts, my fateful meeting with TXT and psychological terms hover inside my brain. 

I finish my simple dinner and get ready for bed quickly. 

The time is now close to 12 quarters as I set alarm for 8am tomorrow. 

I had to be at college by 9.30, I had to make it at all costs. 

I can do this. 

Right before, I hopped into my bed, I grab my textbook and flipped it to the last. 

The signatures in blue ink decorated the blank page. 

The only souvenir I took from this night.

The only proof that will tell me that this night wasn't a dream when I wake up tomorrow morning. 

I smile in spite of myself. 

I keep the book right next to me and I fall asleep looking at the autographs and with the smile of my idols etched in my mind.


	5. A moth to the flame

A week has passed by since that magical night. 

Exams went better than I had expected, in any case, I knew I would get good results. I just had a last assignment to submit before tomorrow then I could relax. 

I walked outside the exam hall with confidence and a slight smile, after completing the last semester examination. 

My friend, Kim Bong So, came running upto me and gave me a hug. 

"We survived!!", she almost shouts breathlessly. 

"Shhh, the other exams are still in progress", I warn her and we begin to walk. 

"Ok ok", she holds her hands up but she continues to talk loudly about her plans for the break and hops like a bunny, reminding me of Soobin. 

We turned into another corridor only to bump into our Neuro Professor. 

He looks at me blankly and says, "Follow me to my office for a talk", and he walks away. 

Ok so, anyone gets panicked when they hear the phrase "We need to talk" and hearing that from a teacher is probably the worst thing ever. 

My breath gets caught. 

We stare at the disappearing figure of our teacher and Bong So whispers to me, "Did you possibly miscalculate your performance and fail?"

"Possibly", I whisper back.

___________________________________________

The professor's office is stingy and the dim sunlight through the window gives the place a foggy look. 

He sits behind the table with a tired face when I enter the room. 

"Sir?"

He rummages through his drawer, pulls out a blue file and hands it over to me. 

"I need a favour from you. I know your exams are over but if you do this and submit it along with your assignment. I'll give you extra credit"

My ears perk at that. 

Extra Credit. 

I'm relieved. 

I go through the file and I see around 5 research articles. 

"I want you to get more information about these experiments. Compile the important ones and print them out"

"Reviewing literature for a new research?", I ask him. 

He nods. 

"Okay sir, Thank you"

"Those are simple ones. Kindly submit them by tomorrow evening 4pm. I'll be in my office"

I bow to him and exit the office. 

___________________________________________

"He called this SIMPLE?!", I exclaim at the computer. 

"Shhhhhh", the library assistant shoots a glare at me. 

"Sorry, sorry", I apologize to her. 

I had been in the Public Library for hours now. 

Only 5 researches but each one had covered a lot. 

I pulled a lot of books and browsed the internet, gathering information and typing them out side by side but it kept on coming. 

"Aish", I banged my hand on the table when I come across yet another article, making more sound than I had intended to. 

The library assistant shoots another glare at me as if she was mentally strangling me. 

I didn't understand why she was so strict on silence because I was at the fifth floor, the research section which was so depressing that everyone avoided it. 

They just collected the books they needed and rushed to the other sections.

Only 3 people were currently there, including the assistant and I. 

I sighed and laid my head on the table while I fiddled with my pen. 

Things I do for extra credit. 

"Having a hard time?", I hear a voice. 

I lift my head to see a masked boy standing near me, who wasn't there before. 

My brain freezes as I recognize those eyes. 

Taehyun. 

"I-... ", my voice trails off as I raise to greet him. 

"Coffee?", he gives me a warm cup of the drink.

"No food and drinks near the books" the assistant frowns at us and it looks like she is ready to kill me and she points to the balcony, gesturing us to have it outside. 

Geez. Who ruined her day? 

He shrugs and asks me to come. 

I follow Taehyun silently, still in shock.

What are the chances that I meet him again within a week? 

The view from the balcony was pretty, the sun was setting slowly. 

He looked around before removing his mask and smiles at me. 

His face stuns me once again. 

I return his smile, hoping it was a smile and not some awkward expression. 

We drink as we have a light conversation. 

And I stare at him in disbelief. 

Kang Taehyun. 

Having coffee with me? 

This must be a dream. 

But as he laughs and grins during the conversation, 

His hair gets ruffled by the breeze, 

with the orange sky reflecting from his eyes, 

I know he's real.


	6. An oasis

It happened so suddenly. 

All I remembered was exiting the library with Taehyun as he continued to talk to me. 

I had my books piled up in my hands and my bag slung over my shoulders. 

The sun had set and the twinkling stars peeked at us from the sky. 

The crisp evening air filled with the smell of leaves and hot cupcakes from the nearby bakery and smiling boy beside me. 

I thought maybe heaven wasn't that different. 

Maybe I didn't want to find out otherwise. 

He asked me what I would like to have for dinner. 

"Cheese tteokbokki", I imitated his words from the famous video after a moment's thought. 

He huffed at me. 

He turned to say something to me, when suddenly he loses his balance. 

"Tae!"

I watch him fall to the ground,   
His body limp. 

I drop the books and kneel beside him, 

"Tae! Tae!"

I lift his head and place it on my lap. 

My hands tremble. 

I remove his mask and try to splash water on him from my bottle. 

He stirs but he doesn't open his eyes. 

"Tae."

My mind blanks out. 

What should I do? 

And I realize, 

A small group of people have gathered around us, 

"Please call 119!", I shout helplessly, 

My voice cracks in middle and I let out a little sob. 

After what seems like an eternity, I hear the distant sound of sirens. 

The paramedics help him inside the ambulance and I sit beside him, holding his hand. 

They remove his jacket and give it to me, 

I search for his phone but the screen is black and cracked from his fall. 

How do I inform his members? 

Then a realization hits me. 

I pull out my phone. 

I search the call logs back to that night. 

But I don't have much hope. 

Kang Taehyun was a smart person. 

There was a 99% chance that he would have deleted it after he had made the call. 

But I scrolled for that 1% of hope. 

I scroll,

And scroll, 

And scroll,

and I see that number. 

The only call made around midnight that day. 

And for a second I cannot believe it. 

My finger hovers above it.

He hadn't deleted the call log. 

But why? 

I take a deep breath before I press the call button. 

I take a look at Kang Taehyun, 

His face looks dead tired, 

The dark circles around his eyes become prominent, 

He looks weak. 

He had brushed my questions aside. 

He told me he was just tired from practice. 

He just didn't get enough sleep. 

Of course, it wasn't strange for idols to have dark circles. 

They all worked really hard. 

But my heart drops at the sight of the angelic boy like this. 

"He trusted you", a small voice tells me. 

"He trusted you enough to not erase the number."

But how? 

Does he remember? 

Does he actually remember that incident that happened after that concert? 

No way. 

It was just a chance of luck, 

Maybe he forgot to delete it, 

Maybe. 

"Please be okay", I whisper. 

Please. 

A wish. 

A prayer. 

"Hello?", I hear the voice through my phone. 

It snaps me back to the reality. 

I take another deep breath to calm my nerves and steady my voice. 

I lift my phone to talk to Choi Yeonjun.


	7. But you were there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taehyun's POV 
> 
> (I will always mention if i switch to another Character's perspective. When i don't mention any name, its Your POV)

"Please be okay"

I hear it. 

The soft whisper. 

But how?

I want to ask. 

How will I be okay? 

I remember standing on top of the stage, thousands of hands reach out to me, hundreds of phones, flashing brightly, 

Recording my every single move. 

Cheers and the loud music ringing in my ear. 

I smile, waving and catch the eyes of Soobin Hyung. 

It's only a split second, he turns away from the crowd, 

From the cameras,

Prying eyes, 

to take a breath. 

His expression changes from his wide smile to exhaustion, 

He looks at me,

Composes himself and puts the smile back on. 

All within one second. 

When I turn to my right, I see Yeonjun Hyung, 

He limps slightly. 

Very subtly. 

He must have hurt his ankle. 

Again. 

He fights to hold back his frown. 

He grins as he gives a fan a high five. 

But I read pain in his eyes. 

Only we can see it. 

Only an idol will be able to see it. 

Only an idol will be able to pull away the mask of another's.

I want to scream, 

I want to grab my members, 

Pull them away from this place, 

Somewhere no one will find us. 

"You knew it.

You knew what you signed up for when you wanted to become an idol."

Yes, I did. 

But, I'm only a human. 

I'm only a human. 

Why didn't anyone see me as a human? 

But someone did. 

On that concert, 

Someone did see me. 

Someone had torn away my mask. 

And looked me in the eye and I realized that she saw me. 

The real me. 

The vulnerable me. 

She looked at me for the human I was. 

I should be angry. 

I should be scared. 

No one who didn't know me personally wouldn't be able to see through the mask. 

But she did. 

And I was relieved. 

As she smiled and covered me back. 

Hiding me from the world. 

I was relieved. 

I was human. 

I had hoped I would see her again. 

And when I did see her,

On that rainy night, 

Under the bus stop, 

I decided to keep her close to me. 

I'll be okay, I wanted to say to her. 

I'll be okay for you. 

There are so many things you need to know. 

There are so many things I need to tell you. 

I want to show you. 

I want to show you the real me.


	8. Does a star get tired of shining?

Choi Soobin was the first member who showed up.

He had used the back door to avoid the two reporters who had sniffed their way in to confirm if a kpop idol had been admitted in the hospital.

He strode into the waiting room where I was nervously pacing inside.

I froze in my tracks as the Leader entered the room.

His tall figure intimidates me right away.

Despite his eyes being stormy and him wearing an intense expression, he looked handsome,

And dangerous.

But handsome nevertheless.

I understood why Bong So liked Soobin so much.

But seeing him angry,

Clearly something else had happened too.

His fury gaze turned to me and softened a little.

His face grew a little tired and openly displayed concern.

He pants and I notice his legs shake a little.

He must have been practicing.

"What happened? ", his voice deep and dry echoed in the empty room.

I stammer, trying to explain when my eyes landed on the water bottle that was placed on the table.

I automatically, in a daze of being star struck, reach out to the bottle and I hand it to Soobin.

Soobin looks at me in a little surprise.

He gives me a tiny smile and takes the bottle,"Thank you"

My feelings of being intimidated disappear seeing the dimples.

"Please have a seat. You seem really tired", I talk slowly.

He chugs down the entire bottle.

And slumps down on the seat, breathing heavily, both of his hands covering his face.

I shift uneasily before him, I form sentences so I can tell him what happened.

I start, "Taehyun and I meet at the library, we-"

"You are that girl, aren't you?", he interrupts.

"Huh?"

"The fan girl from the concert. And the girl who Tae and Yeonjun hyung dropped home", he continues.

My mouth hangs open.

Taehyun remembers me.

From the concert.

Now it's my turn to slump down on the chair beside Soobin.

My eyes burn and chest constricts.

I gasp for air silently.

He even told his members about me.

The angel remembered me.

I couldn't really explain that feeling.

I felt a bit closer to him than before.

I didn't ask him about that incident, I wasn't sure if he wanted anyone to talk about it.

I saw his tears.

I walked away to give him his alone time.

And usually many people hide their sorrows and I didn't want to tell it to anyone.

I knew he didn't want to tell anyone.

But he told his members about me, I feel our bond becoming deeper than before.

Did he feel what I felt that night?

Don't be stupid, he could have just seen you as a good fan.

Don't get your hopes high.

He is an Idol.

"Hyung"

The new voice breaks me out of my thoughts.

Another tall figure stands at the doorway with a mask hanging off on one ear.

Huening Kai, the maknae of Tomorrow by Together, had arrived.


	9. Because we are a family.

"Beomgyu has some recording work left, he said he can only come in tomorrow morning", Yeonjun answers Soobin.

We sit in a circle, eating jajangmyeon that Yeonjun brought for us when he arrived.

I sit in a corner, slowly eating the noodles and feeling like I'm in middle of a daydream that my mind came up with.

But the hot stream of my jajangmyeon tells me otherwise.

I also can't help worrying about Taehyun.

Taehyun.

Even his name drops a stone inside my heart.

I try to distract myself and look around the room.

Huening Kai doses off, leaning on the wall with his empty bowl in the side.

His legs seem longer in skinny jeans that he wears and I silently wonder how it's possible for anyone to be that tall.

He looks handsome even when he is sleeping.

Soobin slurps on the noodle, deep in his thoughts.

From time to time, I notice his eyebrows furrowing.

Sometimes out of worry.

Sometimes out of anger.

What had happened?

"Tsk, tsk", Yeonjun places his bowl down with a thud.

He removes his jacket and covers Huening.

I involuntarily smile at his gesture.

The door opens and TXT's manager enters inside.

"Taehyun has been working without any rest. He apparently hasn't been eating or sleeping properly", he says.

Now Soobin sets his bowl with a loud thud,

and stands up abruptly,

"I TOLD HIM", his voice explodes.

Yeonjun, the manager and I flinch collectively together.

My eyes widen in shock of the sudden outburst.

"I TOLD HIM TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF. BUT NO!

'Hyung, I'm okay. I'm doing just fine. Don't worry'

WHY DIDN'T HE JUST TELL US THAT HE WAS HAVING A HARD TIME?

WHY?

DOES HE THINK WE DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM?!

HUH?!"

Soobin reaches the peak of his anger.

He breathes heavily, his eyes red and watery now that he had spoken out.

The room is completely silent.

I hear my heart thumping.

Yeonjun picks his food with the chopsticks, looking down.

Huening kai stands up, wide awake now.

The jacket falls down.

"Hyung", he approaches Soobin and hugs him tightly from behind.

Soobin's head hangs low.

My heart hangs heavy.

Without another word, Kai holds his hyung's hand and drags him out of the waiting room.

The manager turns to the eldest member,

"The doctor said Tae needs food and rest. After he gets discharged, take him home. He doesn't need to come to practice for a few days.

I'll inform the company. Take care of him"

Yeonjun nods without a word,

I see him trying to hold back his tears.

"The reporters have been turned away but they are still outside.

They have heard the news of a girl who had admitted Taehyun to the hospital.

There are going to be a lot of questions as to why you were with him", The manager looks at me.

"We meet coincidentally at the library.... He knew me as a fan so we just talked, there's noth-"

"You can't say that to the people who create a news item out of nothing. And here, the only proof that you both were together is enough to cook up stories and stir up the fans", he interrupts.

I open my mouth but I don't know what to say.

"It was your lucky time, no one saw you properly and the library assistant refused to talk to the snooping journalists and give away your information before we even got the chance to approach her. "

That information stuns me.

She didn't say anything.

She could have easily said something to become popular and hit the newspapers but she refused to do so.

She probably chased them away to keep the library silent, nevertheless I mentally note to buy her food in the future and thank her.

"Tonight you are staying here at the hospital", the manager declares.

I open my mouth to protest but his tone warns me that he wasn't asking me.

He was ordering me.

"The hospital will be busy in the morning around 10am, you can blend in with the crowd and leave. Make sure no one follows you."

"Okay", I agree.

I was silently glad that I would stay here for longer with the idols but I was tired and wanted to go home.

As the manager opens the door to leave, he turns to me one last time,

"Are you sure?", he asks me.

"Huh?"

"Are you sure that you two meet 'Coincidentally'?"

"Yes. Definitely"

He looks at me in the eye and continues,

"I was wondering what's the reason Taehyun leaves his own college library and goes to the Public Library at the other end of the town?"


	10. That concert night

Taehyun gasps for air.

‘I need to get away’, the thought repeats itself over and over again in his head.

His legs are paining and his throat is raw from the singing his heart out.

He had given everything in his performance to make his fans proud.

His blood, sweat and tears.

The tears now threaten to brim down his cheeks.

He wants to hide them.

Even from the members.

So right after the concert ends, despite his entire body screaming for rest, he grabs his large black hoodie shoves in his phone, earphones and wallet and grasps a water bottle from the boxes.

He informs the manager about his detour,

The manager raises his eyebrows but the look in Tae’s eyes tells him he won’t be able to convince him.

The members are all equally fatigued,

Yeonjun hyung sits down as the medical staff wraps his ankle and applies medicine on it and Soobin hyung holds his hand.

Beomgyu tries to stop Taehyun.

He recognises that look.

He wants to help.

Taehyun waves his hand away,

“I’ll come to the dorm by myself”

Beomgyu pauses,

He doesn’t have enough energy left to argue.

“Just be careful, call me if you need a ride back”

No other member says anything else.

They all know where he is headed towards.

The only place Taehyun goes to when he gets mentally tired.

When the crowd gets to him and he wants to be alone,

That one place which gives him comfort and soothes him over.

Taehyun leaves through the side door, he pulls on his mask and heading far away from the avenue. His legs feel like dumbbells, protesting every step that he takes but his soul feels heavier and that allows him to move on.

He walks away from the stadium, the noise grows lower and lower.

His stomach growls he decides to grab a sandwich; he enters a tiny café along the street where he is sure not many people will visit.

A tiny bell chimes as he opens the door.

He gets his food and slouches in a table at a corner.

The quiet atmosphere of the café is disrupted.

His eyes glance at the entrance, a group of girls enter, laughing and chatting excitedly. He notices them carrying huge signs and light sticks.

His band’s light sticks.

MOAs.

“Did you see Hyuka?! He looked so handsome!” one of the girls exclaims.

“Pffff, my Soobin’s voice was out of the world”

“Hello hello, excuse me, Yeonjun killed those dance moves”

The girls bicker among themselves, too hyped up to notice him in the corner.

Just what Taehyun wanted to escape from.

It managed to find him again.

He wanted to pretend he wasn’t an idol which he could only do when he was alone, far from everyone else who reminded him of that fact.

He quickly wears his mask back on.

But one girl catches his eyes,

She sits in the corner of the table and slightly smiling at her friends,

Her cheeks pink from the heat of crowds,

Her eyes twinkle like stars and somehow he feels they are full of love & warmth.

As the old lady, owner of the café tries to take the group’s order while they argue over the 2 page menu,

She turns to look around and her gaze falls on Taehyun.

She holds his stare for a minute before she realises who he was.

Mixed emotions form in her eyes and she gapes.

“What do you want?” one of her friend asks her and she turns quickly away from him and says something to her.

Taehyun braces for the group’s stares directed towards him and he grits his teeth and fists his hand.

He waits.

But nothing happens.

The old lady closes her notebook and walks away from the loud table but none of the girls seem to notice him.

“Didn’t she tell them? Maybe she didn’t recognise me….”

But she turns again and gives him a soft smile, he knows she knows him.

His heart skips a beat.

He feels grateful for her to not disclose his identity.

But he knows if another girl notices him, she wouldn’t stay quiet.

He drowns the water bottle, grabs his phone and leaves the café.

He walks another few steps when he hears the door bell chime again and fast steps behind him.

“Excuse me!” he hears a girl’s voice.

His heart drops.

He turns back slowly and the girl from the café stands,

And in her arms, she had his black hoodie, which he forgot in the café.

“I didn’t want to disturb you, but you forgot this.”

He takes it from her.

“Thank you”, he mumbles.

“No, thank you for everything; I know it must be hard. But you are doing a great job.”

Her kind words break his resolve.

“Like how a single word can make a heart open”, the lyric plays in his mind.

His tears now flow openly, blurring his vision, wetting his mask.

But she doesn’t see it; she gives a smile and runs back to the little café, back to her friends.

He turns away, walking to his destination.

He feels vulnerable and weak, his heart feels sore and ripped open.

But for some reason,

The girl didn’t leave his thoughts.

Her eyes and her smile kept replaying in his mind.

It comforted him.

As he sits down in his “magical hideout”, he looks up at the night sky and whispers,

“I am Kang Taehyun. I will be fine”

Soft piano music pours from the earphones and he is at as much as peace he can be.

His heart warms up and cools down, quietly healing itself.

And he wonders if it’s a temporary cure, will he ever be able to find his permanent one?

He sighs, drowning his thoughts in the music and blanking his mind out.

However, the stars remind him of the girl’s eyes for the rest of the night.


	11. He had quietly walked inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feb 5th!
> 
> I would like to wish Kang Taehyun a happy birthdayyyyyy!  
> May he get all the happiness, health and fulfill his dreams!

I hurriedly open the door to leave and bump into someone who was entering the room.

My textbooks slip out of my hands to the floor with thud as I lose my balance and fall backwards.

“Poor books keep falling off”

I close my eyes in reflex, preparing for the impact when I felt a firm arm wrapping itself around my waist and pull me up.

I instinctually grab hold of my saviour’s nape.

When I regain my balance, I slowly open my eyes to meet those of Choi Beomgyu.

My heart flutters and cheeks flush as I still feel his arm around my torso.

He smiles, his eyes gleaming but calm and light.

His facial features look sharper and more defined up close. His blond hair falls on his forehead like dominos and looks so soft.

He was really tall and he had bent down a little and stared at me in my eyes level with a mysterious look on his face.

“I’m really gonna die this way. By encountering many angels who keep stopping my heart”

‘Ahem’,

we hear Hyuka cough behind Beomgyu.

I blush furiously, loosen myself from his grip and drop to the ground to collect my books.

I stand up and bow to him, avoiding his eye contact.

“She’s the one”, Hyuka speaks up.

“The one who was with Taehyun”, He munches on some chips and leans on the doorway.

Beomgyu nods silently.

Awkward silence filled the room.

“Krrr”

The sudden noise startles us, we turn back to see Soobin and Yeonjun sleeping on the sofa.

Yeonjun has his arm wrapped around Soobin, he shifts in the tiny couch, wiggling for space and lets out another small snore.

I giggle slightly and I peek at Beomgyu, to find him still staring at me, with an unreadable expression.

“You, in a hurry?” Hyuka asks me.

“Ah. Yes!” the deadline hits my mind.  
“I have to submit my project today!”

I take the USB out of my jean pocket and show them.

“Why not send an email if it’s software? You want a computer? I could charm some staff here into giving you a laptop.” Hyuka does a bunch of aegyo.

I laugh, “That would sure be great to watch but no, my professor prefers the old school method, he wants print outs of everything.

I have to rush, catch a bus and get to college.”

“I’ll drop you”

“Huh?” Hyuka and I turn to Beomgyu.

“I’ll give you a ride. Come with me.” he steps forward takes my books from me and begins to walk away.

“But…?”

My jaw drops and I look at Hyuka.

He looks just as surprised as me.

“OooooOOo.” He whistles.

“You should go before you lose him in the crowd”, he points out.

I unfreeze my legs and run after the blond haired guy.

___________________________________________

“Get on.”

I stare at him.

“On this?” I raise an eyebrow.

“You scared?”

A red motorbike stands looking hot and stylish.

Beomgyu has my books strapped to the tank and puts on a helmet.

I stare at him.

“I actually have a motorbike myself.”

It’s his turn to raise his eyebrows.

“I’m not lying. It sits inside my garage; I have to get it repaired though.”

He nods thoughtfully.

“Then get on, if you are not afraid”

“The bike is not the issue, it’s you”

“Scared of my handsome face, makes your heart flutter?” he lifts the helmet’s glass up and winks at me.

To be honest, his gesture and thought of riding with him did make my heart skip a beat but I wasn’t going to admit it because of his attitude, he was an idol but still a boy and boys were boys, plus I had bigger issues to address.

“Your manager would barbeque me alive, if he finds out” I reply crossing my arms.

He sighs.

“What? Already he suspects me with Taehyun. If he heard you dropping me, that too in that, he might as well blacklist me and block me from attending any concerts or fan meets”

“I have another helmet, you can wear it too. No one will see us; Manager-nim will not find out and even if he did, I’ll take the blame.” Beomgyu promises.

I don’t budge.

“Please, I ride in this bike every single day; no one has ever noticed me. Also aren’t you getting late?”

His last sentence does hit me.

I need to submit it and get home and God, I needed to shower and sleep.

“OK. But promise me, you will drop me off distant from the college gate and never, ever, remove your helmet.”

He nods and shows his pinky finger making a promise.

I take a deep breath.

I grab the helmet and cover my head.

I carefully get on the red beast, he raises the accelerator, making it roar.

“Don’t be a show-off!” I shout over the noise.

I see him smirking in the mirror.

I grab his shoulder as he moves with a sudden jolt.

This was going to be a hell of a ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But Beomgyu, if you already haven't noticed, is my bias wrecker ;)
> 
> Who's yours?
> 
> Don't hesitate to leave me a comment and give me a kudos if you do like my story!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	12. The sound of a heartbeat

Somewhere in the middle of the journey. I removed my helmet, despite my fear of getting recognized by someone.

I wanted to feel the wind on my face and the rush of adrenaline.

The bike ride reminded of why I bought one in the first place, I decide to get it fixed over the break.

But the bike wasn't the only thing that made me heart pump harder.

It was the boy who sat in front of me.

I held my helmet in my right hand and my left hand gripping his shoulder blade, his arm felt firm and built under my palm.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes feeling the cool breeze hit my face.

It was a joy, nothing really makes you feel that happy and carefree than a bike ride.

When I opened them, I noticed Beomgyu smiling at me in the mirror.

It made me blush again.

I buried my face into his jacket.

I felt his laughter tremble on his back.

Oof why?

He stops a distance away from the gate, I get off and hang the helmet on the handle.

"Go and come, I'll be waiting here."

I nod and start walking towards the gate and then I remember I left the textbooks.

I make a U turn to face Beomgyu who holds the books up to me with his lips pressed into a straight line and shaking his head.

"Hehe", I take them and bow to him.

I turn and start running to cover my embarrassment.

I beg my college office staff, Mr. Park Heechul for 10 minutes and bribe him with promise to get him tickets to a Mamamoo concert, and he finally agrees and lets me use his printer.

As I leave the office, his voice echoes from his cabin, "Don't forget the tickets!"

I reach my Neuro Professor's office and give him the copies and the books I borrowed from the Public library which he asked for.

I place his Library membership Card on his table and memories of Taehyun wash over me.

If he hadn't asked me to go to the public library, I wouldn't have met Taehyun.

I remember the managers words.

"Was it a coincidence after all?"

"You may leave now", the professor repeats himself.

I had gotten lost in my thoughts, I take his leave and exit the room.

Beomgyu kept his promise, when I approached him, still thinking about Tae, I realised he was still wearing his helmet and leaning on his bike.

That made me smile.

"You look dead tired", he comments when I stand in front of him.

"College. Student", I point up two fingers.

The two words seem to explain everything.

"Come, I'll drop you home"

_____________________________________________________

We stand in front of my house's red gate,

"Umm. Can I visit Taehyun later on? Like tomorrow?" I ask him what I was turning in my head the whole ride back home.

He looks around for people and removes his helmet.

"Of course, he would love it."

I nod, staring at the ground.

"Tae...Just has a lot going on. He will be fine", Beomgyu explains.

I nod again, not enquiring further.

We all had our own stories.

But I wanted to know Taehyun's.

"Anyway, thank you for the ride"

"I don't need thanks but", He stares at me expectantly.

"Umm."

His gaze makes me shift awkwardly.

"Tickets to a concert?"

He blinks at me.

Then I realise who I was asking.

"Hehe. Food, then? I know this amazing place that serves tteokbokki. There's also this bingsu café which is run by my friend's cousin, right in front and they add fruits on top with chocolate syrup and I have 50% discount coupons-"

"I want your number"

"-I can give you the coupons and wait what?"

He lets out a breath, takes his phone out and passes it to me.

I gawk at it in disbelief and my jaw slightly open.

"Go on, type in your number", he repeats in a Satoori accent.

It's not every day a guy asks me for my number and that too, a handsome kpop idol. So I continue to stare at him and his phone.

I point at myself, "You want my... my.... number?"

He smiles a little; he leans forward and taps my chin up, closing my mouth.

"Yes, yours"

I'm still skeptical, but I take his phone and dial the number.

He takes it and enters the call button.

My phone starts to ring, the ringtone "Eternally" blaring from the speakers.

I open my bag and desperately search for it to decline it.

He smirks at me while I scramble through looking for it.

I finally find the annoying device, I mute it.

I smile sheepishly at him.

He inclines close to me again as I tilt backwards.

Beomgyu reaches up and ruffles my hair.

"You said your broken motorbike is in the garage right?"

I nod dubiously, shocked that Choi Beomgyu not only asked for my number but also ruffled my hair.

My cheeks flushing red and breath caught.

"I will come over later and fix it for you"

I look at him in doubt again.

He winks at me again, making my heart flutter.

He wears the helmet, makes the red beast roar, "Text me before you are going to visit Tae, I will try to be at the hospital with him", he says before speeding off.

I stay frozen in my place for a few moments to process what had just happened.


	13. A message from the soul

"KANG TAEHYUN AND CHOI YEONJUN DROPPED YOU HOME AND TAEHYUN MET YOU AT LIBRARY BUT YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO ME?! HOW COULD YOU?! YOU MET ALL OF THE TXT MEMBERS?! OH MY GOD! YOU TRAITOR!"

I hold my phone 10 inches away from my ear and I still hear Bong So shouting on the other end.

My wet hair is tied up after the hot shower. The smell of freshly cooked rice and spicy cabbage soup makes my stomach rumble as I patiently wait for the rice cooker to finish preparing it.

Bong So called me up to rant after listening to the news of Taehyun being admitted in the hospital and seen with a girl (His mystery Girlfriend, as all the news stations and websites have started calling me)

I couldn't hold back and told her about what had happened. I held back certain parts like that concert night and how Beomgyu had asked for my number not because I was afraid of how she will react but I myself didn't know how to react to that.

The beep of the rice cooker drags me out of my thoughts and I realise Bong So had stopped shouting.

"Hey? Bong So ah? Hello? Listen I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, I just wasn't sure-"

Ding-Dong

The doorbell rings sharp and continuously.

I waddle to the front door and I hear Bong So's racket, "Open up, you traitor!"

I laugh and shake my head. 

Some friend I had.

The first thing I see when I open the door is her exasperated face, "Tell. Me. Everything. Again."

We sit in the dining table as I eat my lunch while Bong So paces around the kitchen.

After pacing around for 15 minutes while I finish 2 servings of rice, she finally sits down in front of me with a thump.

"You Lucky Bitch"

I laugh, "I just guess I was just there at the right place and right time"

"That's what. Lucky Bitch", she repeats.

"So tell me. How did Soobin look?"

It's been a couple of hours.

We talk and talk as I answer all her questions, some questions repeatedly.

"So, you sure Taehyun doesn't like you? Like like you?" she asks me for the 10th time.

"I told you. I don't think so. We just met a couple of times."

She nods but I can tell she will ask me again later.

"But I'm going to visit him tomorrow."

Her eyes widen.

"Can I come? Can I come?" she jumps around.

"I'm not sure. I don't even know how he will react to me visiting him."

"But I won't come inside the room! I will wait outside! Maybe I can see any of the other members! Please! I really want to meet Soobin! Please Please!"

She looks excited at the perspective and literally goofs around my living room.

How could I say no to her?

But how could I take her to the hospital?

Taehyun might not want me seeing him.

Bong So stops hastily, "I will attend the nature call and be right back" and she dances her way to the restroom.

The notification rings from my phone.

A text.

I open to see it from an unknown number.

Unknown: I thought you would text me first.

But I guess I was wrong.

Never mind, what time will you be at the

Hospital tomorrow?

I gaze at it for a minute and then I realise who it was.

Beomgyu.

I didn't save his number yet.

"Oh my god"

I jump up on the sofa, animated and feeling lightheaded.

Butterflies in my stomach take flight.

Beomgyu texted me!

"What happened?" Bong So asks.

"Nothing. Nothing" I shake my head as I save his contact.

"Ok, my mom just called me. Some relatives showed up unannounced. She wants me get home ASAP"

She picks up her purse and turns to me,

"I can come with you tomorrow, right?"

She makes the pity eyes.

"I will text you at night ok? I can't promise anything now."

She pouts but agrees.

"I'll wait for it" she waves goodbye.

After the door slams, I fall on the couch flat on my stomach as I open the chat room.

My heart thumps inside my rib cage.

Me: Hello.

I was tired and my friend came home.

I didn't use my phone till now.

Maybe around lunch time tomorrow?

12pm?

I was thinking maybe I could buy some food to visit him...

What does he like? 

BG: Pizza, garlic bread and Fried Chicken with coke.

Me: That doesn't sound healthy

Plus is that what he likes or you like them? 

BG: Okay, you got me.

He prefers any home cooked meal.

Me: Then I will cook something for him.

BG: You know how to cook?

Me: you will see.

BG: I will.

I hesitate but I type the question.

Me: Hey, Beomgyu.

Can I ask you something?

BG: ?

Me: My childhood friend. She is also a MOA. She wants to come with me tomorrow to the hospital. I mean, she won't come inside to see Tae but she was hoping she could see any other members. Can she tag along with me?

BG: No problem. Bring her along.

Me: Wait, you sure?

BG: Totally, also is she beautiful?

I roll my eyes. Boys.

Me: She's very pretty. But her bias is Soobin

BG: :/

Me: :/

BG: Who's your bias?

Taehyun's face flashes before my eyes.

His tiny smile and how the sun light was reflected from his eyes from that evening. How comfortable he made me feel. It squeezes my heart. My fingers shake as I type his name.

Me: Taehyun

BG: Damn. And your bias wrecker?

I type without a second thought and send it.

Me: You

And then it strikes me and I face palm myself and blush. Why am I like this?

I put my phone aside, hug the pillow tightly. Screaming into it.

The phone beeps.

I nervously peek at his response.

BG: So, I have a chance after all.

What's that supposed to mean?

Before I could ask him, he sends another text.

BG: I have to go.

See you tomorrow with your pretty friend, will look forward tasting your food.

Me: Sure, bye.

I still had questions lingering around but I tried not to over think. I had to go to the store and buy groceries so I can cook tomorrow but before that,

I pick up my phone again.

Me: Hey

Bunny: ?

Me: Be prepared to meet your idols tomorrow. We leave at 12.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this chapter, the Wattpad version and Ao3 version are now equal so look forward for updates simultaneously!!
> 
> Don't forget to give me a Kudos and leave a comment for me!
> 
> Thank you for taking time and reading my story!


	14. Food wins Hearts

"Do I look ok?" Bong So asks me for the 100th time.

I sigh.

I turn to her, grab her shoulders and look in her eyes.

"Listen, you are wearing a gorgeous pink top and you look amazing in it, prettier than ever before and even more beautiful than how you dressed up for your first date. You don't look ok, you look perfect, now shut up. The next stop is ours and we better not miss it", I almost sound like I'm rapping, a lady who is knitting on front of us glares at me.

The bus takes its turn into the station and we get off, the lunch box that I prepared for Taehyun tightly held in my hands.

I hope he likes it.

I was also nervous to see him again. 

Him and Beomgyu.

BG.

He had texted me in the morning. He said he will be waiting for me. 

Whatever is going on his mind? 

But I wouldn't lie, it did make me feel happy.

I still didn't tell Bong So about it, that pricked my heart a little.

When we reach the hospital entrance,

I whip out two masks out of my purse and hand it to her.

She looks questioningly at me.

"Pretend we are secret detectives, here to investigate a top level government case and no one can know who we are", I whisper to her.

Her lips pursue but she leans and whispers back,

"Okay, Ms. Holmes"

I put up my thumb, "Let's do it, Ms. Watson"

We both were tensed so we found relief in the pretend play even Bong So had started getting into her role.

We had to go to the fifth floor, she tells me to take a separate elevator so no one would know we came together. I obliged.

The floor was empty when we reached the opposite ends.

We looked at each other and I nodded her to follow me and as per plan, I will enter the waiting room first then she would enter after some time.

I lift my brown coat's collar up and walk stealthy inside the room.

Soobin sits lazily, he has his phone out and scrolls through.

He looks up as I enter putting away his phone.

I remove my mask and greet him.

"Ah, come come, I was waiting for you. You brought the lunch box that Beomgyu said you made? Great, give it to me."

He stands up to take the box, I hesitate, I wanted to give it to Taehyun first.

Then Bong So opens the door to save the day, "That was fun!" she freezes when she sees Soobin, "Ooh....."

She takes off her mask and hides behind me.

"Your friend huh?" he asks.

I nod. She grabs my arm from behind and I feel her heart beating from my back.

I smile, time for fun.

"You are her bias actually, she loves your voice so much"

"Hey!" she stands up and pushes me away. I laugh.

Soobin looks at her, I see his eyebrows lifting up and a slight smile, "Hello" he greets her.

"hi", she lets out a small whisper.

He looks down cutely at her.

I use this opportunity, "I want to give the lunch box to Taehyun first"

Soobin looks at me and nods, "The room on the left. His mother just left. You came at the right time" he points. "I'll bring your friend there after sometime. I would like to talk to her"

I was surprised Bong So didn't faint at that sentence, guess she's stronger than I give her credit for but she stares at the floor like Picasso had painted there.

I bow to him and exit the room.

The butterflies start dancing in my stomach as I stand before Taehyun's room.

I let out a deep breath and open the door.

Taehyun lies on his propped up bed, he has a magazine laid on his lap but he stares outside the window, lost in his thoughts.

He looks much better having rested, his dark circles faded and when he turns and meets my eyes, they shimmer brighter and it warms me up, drives away my fear.

I walk forward, my legs trembling slightly and stumble on the chair and sit down.

He gives a smile at my clumsiness.

"How are you?" I ask him.

"I'm better, you?"

"Yeah, I'm doing fine" I nod, I hand him the lunch box.

"Thank you, this better be good, I'm quite starving"

I stand and pull the table near him and help him set it up.

I had prepared extra quantities knowing the TXT member's love for food.

The smell of Kimchi Bokumbap (fried rice), fried sausages, pork and Korean pancakes fill the air. 

Taehyun's eyes widen. He doesn't say anything, he takes the chopsticks and starts eating.

I'm nervous, I had tasted before I packed and it was quite good, better than my normal routine cooking. I had put in more effort for him. 

Does he like it?

I feel like I would even cook for Gordon Ramsay rather than wait for Taehyun's remarks.

The door opens and Beomgyu and Hyuka enter, bickering among each other, "No No, the straw has two openings. We talked about this before!"

Soobin and Bong So follow them, she looks flustered and her eyes gleaming.

"Food!" Hyuka exclaims when he sees Taehyun eating, he jumps alongside the boy and asks him to feed him.

Beomgyu looks at me and I feel like his face had lightened up, my pulse jumps.

"You are here." he smiles dazzlingly.

"Yeah." I nod silently, tucking a stray hair behind my ear.

Taehyun quietly observes our interaction.

"This is amazing! Soobin hyung, try this!" Hyuka signals the dimple boy to come closer.

Bong So sits calmly on the chair at the door side, she looks at me and we exchange a look, she cannot stop smiling widely.

"Hmm, you are quite skilled, too bad Yeonjun hyung isn't here. He would have loved this"

I turn around and they are tasting my food, their compliments cheer me up.

Soobin flashes me a thumbs up and Hyuka makes an OK symbol.

I smile back at them, but Taehyun still keeps quiet.

Doesn't he like it?

"Did you prepare it yourself or your mother helped you out?" Beomgyu teases me as he takes a piece of sausage and gobbles it down.

My smile falters.

Taehyun notices it and asks me, "What happened?"

"Err, my parents... they..... passed away when I was young", I tell them in a low voice.

The boys stop eating and the eyes turn to me.

Taehyun's eyes look at me with an unreadable emotion while Beomgyu's jaw is slightly open. He feels bad for making the joke. The mood crashes low and I try to salvage it.

I swallow and continue speaking, "It's alright, it's alright, you guys didn't know it. It's been almost 7 years. Don't feel bad for joking", I direct my last sentence to Beomgyu. He nods empathetically and murmurs a sorry. Bong So gives me a small smile.

The others follow his lead and carry on eating. Taehyun steals glances at me, reading my expressions but I keep myself composed.

The room is silent. It's not really uncomfortable but it's thoughtful, each of us with our own emotions.

The silence breaks by Hyuka speaking up,

"Beomgyu hyung, the straw has one hole"


	15. His Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is one is my personal favourites, I hope you guys enjoy reading it, don't forget to give me a Kudos and write me a comment, if you like my writing!

Beomgyu and Soobin leave to Bighit after lunch.

“Actually, I have some work to do as well, I’m leaving first”, Bong So stands up and to both of our surprise, Soobin speaks out, “We will see you to the bus stop”, he opens the door for her, she blushes red, waves to me and walks out, Soobin right behind her heels.

Hyuka had pulled out his head phones, he started to play some games, his occasionally loud remarks and shouts keep the atmosphere amusing.

“Text me after you get home” Beomgyu tells me, I notice Taehyun looking at me while BG had leaned into me and ruffled my hair.

“No No NO!!!!! We are supposed to be a team, don’t do that to me!” Hyuka screams at his phone, we wince at his loud voice.

The door flies open, a nurse almost dramatically slides in, glaring judgingly at us, before Kai removes his headphones and smile apologetically at her.

“This is a hospital, maintain silence please”, she glowers at him and shoots another death glare at all of us before leaving.

She reminds me of the Library assistant, maybe they are sisters from a parallel universe.

“This won’t do, Kai, go with hyung”, Taehyun suggests.

“But you need company”

“She’s here, you can leave”, Taehyun insists and somehow it sounds like it has an implied meaning.

Beomgyu looks back and forth between Tae and me.

I feel the tension in the room increasing.

Kai and I shift uncomfortably in middle of the two towering boys before, he decides to break it.

“Okay, okay, I’m leaving; I’ll come back with Yeonjun hyung in the evening. Bye, Take care” He grabs the blonde haired boy’s hand and drags him out of the heavy room.

After they leave, I look at Tae and give him an awkward look.

Taehyun is silent for a few minutes.

“Thank you for the food. It was really delicious”, his compliment finally eases me.

“No problem, I have fun making it for you. I’m glad you liked it”

“Can you come with me? For a small walk?” he asks me.

“You are allowed to leave outside?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just feeling suffocated here”

I immediately stand up, the psychology student kicking in; mental health was really important for a patient, he needed fresh air “Then, let’s get you out of here”

_____________________________________________

The cool breeze tousles the leaves of the pine tree that stood behind the building. The chirps and tweets of the songbirds sound magical. The wooden bench under the shade of the majestic tree has a relaxing aura and the pavement is filled with fallen pine cones and the scent spreads out, sweet and fresh. The place was empty. It was so serene; I could hear the steady thump of my heart because of the atmosphere,

And of course,

Him.

The sunlight shines on his face with the shadows of the leaves dancing over his skin. He slowly hums a song, I found myself gravitating to him and he notices my action. He scoots a little closer to me and he starts to sing softly.

And I let myself drown in his sound.

He sings of a lonely bird losing its feathers and voice, losing the things that make up its identity,

Would the world still consider me as a bird?

His lyrics and the emotions he pours into the tune tug my heartstrings. The song sounds personal and intimate.

A part of me wonders if I was allowed to hear it in the first place, the sweet rhyme filled with melancholy reflects the deepest fears and pain of a human being.

It feels as if the birds have stopped their songs to listen to his, I feel my eyes getting moist as he ends the song.

We remain in silence for a while as the birds begin to sing again.

“That was beautifully sad”, I whisper to him.

Taehyun smiles, “We all are beautifully sad”

“I used to love Little Mermaid”, I tell him.

He turns to face me and leans on the bench.

“When I used to cry at the end, my mother told me that not every fairy tale had a happy ending. But sad endings can be beautiful in their own way, Ariel stayed true to her love till the very end. ”

He nods, “Heartbreaking stories are the ones that stay with us for a long time”

I take a pine cone that had fallen on the bench between us and roll it in my palm, tracing its sharp edges.

When I look up, I find Taehyun staring at me intently

“How was it?” he asks me.

“Hm?” I meet his soft eyes.

“Living alone by yourself”

The question takes me back to my lonely childhood. 

Flashes of images, tearful nights, series of tantrums, fights at school and visits to therapist, painful images. Pain. The one thing I couldn’t escape wherever I had turned.

I usually avoided talking about it but I didn’t hesitate to open up to him, “Initially I had a very hard time. I couldn’t cope up being alone, my aunt had gotten my custody and she wanted to take me back to Japan with her.

“I denied I didn’t want to leave the house my parents had brought me up in. Money wasn’t an issue; my father had left me a large sum of insurance money. But emotional support. I refused to go to Japan and my aunt couldn’t stay in Korea. There was a huge fight.

That’s when Bong So and her parents helped me out. They acted as a second stand in guardian and stayed with me frequently instead.”

I smile gratefully thinking of the kind couple who supported me throughout my childhood, acting as a ray of hope in my sudden dark world.

“You are strong”, Taehyun remarked.

“Life didn’t give me any other choice”, I turned the pine cone in my hand again.

"We all are like pine cones sometimes, we are hard on the outside and softer inside", Taehyun takes the pine cone from my hand.

"What if all the pine cones had a name and they are a person?", he wonders.

"That's Ben then, he fell in love with.....", I look up and point at a sparrow, "Julie. Unfortunately, she dumped him because they both have different personalities and now he lies alone on the cold hard ground", I shake my head sadly.

Taehyun laughs.

"And that one is Michael", he points at one, coming up with another story.

We stay under the huge Pine tree for a long time, talking about our lives and pine cones and everything, the conversations shallow and deep at the same time. The day fades into the evening, with him starting to sing another song and I lose myself in his voice again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, any Swifties here? ;)


	16. One Step Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case no one told you today, 
> 
> You are doing well,
> 
> You are beautiful,
> 
> and I'm proud of you,
> 
> Keep doing your best, you can reach your dreams.

****1 month later** **

****

****

“Why do you smell like tomatoes?”, Beomgyu scrunches his nose.

“I was making salsa and chips”, I press my lips into a thin line.

He wrinkles his face again,

“Whatever” he lets himself inside the house.

He slumps down on the couch, stretching his arms, letting a huge yawn.

“Sometimes I feel like you guys live here or something”, I complain.

“Yesterday, Hyuka had left behind his headphones and he came back at 2am to take it, that doorbell scared the hell out of me”, I sit beside him.

Beomgyu laughs, “Well, I offered my earphones but his one is supposed to be lucky”

“I have only seen him lose while he played with it though”

BG shrugs.

“Where are the others?” I ask him.

“Soobin hyung apparently went out with Bong So for shopping”

“What?!” I shake my head in disbelief. 

“That girl didn’t say anything to me.”

BG shrugs again, “Taehyun and Yeonjun hyung were working in the studio last time I checked and Hyuka….. I don’t know, probably sleeping in our dorm”, he lets out another huge yawn.

“Aigo, if you are sleepy, then you should have gone to the dorm too, why did you come here?” I ask him.

“I had bought the remaining supplies for your bike and I wanted to bring them here”

“Well, where are they?”

“In your garage”

“Hey! You opened my garage on your own?! How did you know the pass code?” I stand up scowling at him.

“It’s not like you had nuclear codes as your pass code”

I scowl deeper but he winks at me and dissolves my anger. I sigh.

“You want some salsa and chips?”, I offer.

“No. No tomatoes please. Get me a cup of water”

As I get the water, I get a message from Bong So,

She sends me a selfie of her and Soobin at an arcade.

I frown; I’ll deal with her later.

I take the cold glass to the living room only to find Beomgyu fast asleep.

He had legit taken a pillow and blanket from my bedroom and laid himself completely on my couch.

I smile at him, place the cup on the table and stare at the sleeping angel.

He had dyed his hair back to black and the shadow of his long eyelashes fall on his cheeks.

Last couple of weeks rather seem like a dream more than reality. Bong So and I had gotten a lot close to the boys.

I still smile at the memory of my best friend jumping around my house after that day, Soobin had started following her on Instagram, and we all had become mutual friends on SNS.

Then BG had started coming over to fix my bike and others joined him even though all they did was sit around, watch TV and quarrel while he worked in the garage.

“I thought you were a singer. How do you know to fix bikes?” I asked him one day as he was cleaning the engine.

“I wanted to become a car designer initially, I also studied bikes a little and fell in love with them”, he turned to look at me with soot all over his face, 

I barely managed to control my laughter when Yeonjun had walked in, immediately started to click pictures as BG glared at him, I couldn’t stop laughing for 10 minutes straight.

Soobin and Bong So had grow a lot closer as well, I had asked Bong So if she had started to date Soobin, but she denied and explained that they were just friends and enjoyed each other’s companies

Of course I wish I could say that same for Taehyun and Beomgyu. Despite getting close, I could feel a strain whenever I was in the room with the two of them. It always seemed there was an unaddressed elephant in the room.

I shudder at those moments.

I feel really comfortable when I’m with them separately but together, it’s a little complicated.

****Ding-Dong** **

Beomgyu shifts in his sleep, pulling the covers up.

I open the door to see Taehyun and Yeonjun, 

“You guys are also here?” I let them in.

“Also?” YJ finds Beomgyu on the couch, “Oh nice”

he jumps beside him making BG groan, “Hyung”

“We bought snacks for you”, Taehyun gives me a bag.

“OOooooOo” I look inside to find some of my favourite snack brands.

“Why do I smell tomatoes?” Yeonjun asks me.

These boys and their sense of smell.

“I was making salsa and chips, you want some?”

“Definitely”

“Wait I’ll bring some.”

Tae follows me to the kitchen; he takes out the snacks and places them inside the cabinets.

“How was your day?” I ask him.

“It was fine, we are working on a new song, writing lyrics was a little tiring”

I put the chips in a bowl and pour the salsa.

“Hey, Tae”

“Hmm.”, he opened a packet of biscuits and starts munching on them.

“It’s nice having you all over, I don’t feel alone anymore but why do you guys come over to mine?”

“Well, I dunno.

We feel comfortable at your house. You and Bong So stopped treating us like idols. We like that. We like being around people who don’t remind us that we are idols.

“Also, paparazzi hangs around a lot near our dorm”, he explains.

“Oh.”

I open the fridge to take out a bottle of orange juice,

“Hey, are you free tomorrow?” Tae asks.

“Tomorrow…. Friday, yeah. My internship is only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays”, I tell him.

“Great, let’s go out then, I want to take you to a place”

I raise my eyebrows, “Umm..."

I stare at him.

His eyes widens,

“No No, I mean, just come with me, not like a date or anything”, he raises his hands.

“Ah, okay”

A little part of me feels disappointed and I ask myself why.

Then he smiles gently at me with his chocolate eyes radiating in the kitchen light and I feel my heart skip a beat, the only thing that hadn’t changed after all this time and I get my answer.

I find myself wondering what it would be like to ruffle his hair, lie on his lap and listen to him sing just for me.

The thought tightens a knot inside my chest and I feel a drop of pain threatening to take over like a drop of poison in a jar of milk.

Shouts and loud noises carry themselves from the living room and pull me out before I lose myself in that pain, I force a smile on,

“We better go before they make my couch, their wrestling ring and break it”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, This chapter isn't any special, it's just to show that our characters have become closer than before. However the next chapter will be from Beomgyu's POV, Look forward to that!
> 
> Don't forget to give me a Kudos and leave me a comment (Constructive criticism only) !


	17. Can you feel my love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beomgyu's POV

****Beomgyu POV** **

****

****

“Let’s watch a movie”, Kai suggests, he holds out three rented CDs, 

all of them horror movies.

Soobin hyung and Yeonjun hyung groan collectively, Soobin hyung buries his face on a pillow and pretends to fall asleep.

Bong So laughs at them, she gets down on the floor and squabbles with Kai over choosing what to watch.

Taehyunie sits silently in the corner of the sofa lost in his thoughts.

The whiff of butter popcorn fills the room, Yeonjun hyung almost hovers over to meet the girl who was entering with 2 huge bowls of popcorn and grabs a handful of popcorn.

“Don’t spill it! Or you have to clean up later”, she scolds him.

My eyes follow her as she takes her seat on the couch, smiling at the pair still bickering about movie.

Her smile reflects on my lips.

Bong So and Kai finally come to an agreement and play the CD, Taehyun reaches over and switches the lights off.

Kai starts shouting and tries making spooky noises; I throw a pillow at him, a wave of laughter spreads across the cosy living room.

The members had brought out all the blankets and pillows they could find in the house and flung them all around, making the place comfortable as possible with packets of snack in everyone’s hand.

Her words come to my mind, we do treat her house like ours.

My eyes find her in the dark, her eyes fixed to the screen, she quietly munches on popcorn in a bowl that sits between her and Taehyun.

I turn back to the TV screen and try to focus on the picture.

The film is nothing special, usual haunted house, dumb group of friends, jump scares & blood.

But apparently enough to make Kai and the others flinch.

Half way into the movie, my eyes stray to her again.

Like a magnet, she draws my attention without doing anything.

But she’s no longer watching the movie.

She had quietly drooped on her couch and fallen asleep.

I let out sigh.

She is beautiful.

I remember the first time when Taehyun-ah told us about a girl whose eyes were filled with stars.

I didn’t think much about it until I saw her in the hospital myself, and I saw what he meant.

Her eyes glittered brightly and it was like they had gravity that immediately grabbed my attention.

The eyes were just a beginning, 

I lost myself in her smile, 

her little thoughtful gestures, 

the way her lips moved when she talked about her favourite things, 

the way her hair flows with the wind,

her voice when she sings her favourite song not making any effort to sing well but only to sing her heart out and laugh,

every single little thing about her that drew me deeper and deeper and before I knew it, 

she had taken my heart.

All the years I had my love stored up inside my heart, busy making an identity for myself, chasing my dreams and giving it all for my fans, she makes me want to become a little selfish for myself, makes me want to break the walls and shower my love on her.

My mind takes me back to that day and I wonder what would have happened if I did confess to her.

_The old garage smells of petrol, metal and rust bringing back waves of nostalgia._

_My heart pumps with excitement, I open the bike’s outer cover and peek inside the old machine._

_It was a long time since I fixed a motorbike and the thought of it fills my heart with anticipation._

_“Can I trust her with you?”_

_I turn back to see her leaning on the doorframe._

_She wore a red sweater too large for her, it made her look so pretty and small, I wanted to hug her tightly and never let her go._

_I shake my head, “her?”_

_“Yes, her name is Lightening McKing”_

_“King?”_

_“Why not? That red car, he was called McQueen. So, I named her McKing”_

_I laugh at her ridiculous logic._

_She smiles and sits beside me, her perfume makes my heart skip beat._

_“So, what’s wrong with her Doc?” her expression turns grim._

_“Let’s see” I reply with the same serious tone._

_“Her brakes are weak, engine is pretty rusty, we will need to do a transplant, but we should first find a donor which will be compatible with her. Then we will do a cleanup”_

_“Will her health insurance cover the expense?”_

_I let my face fall gloomy, “You might have to sell your house and belongings to cover the cost”_

_She covers her mouth and acts shocked._

_“But then I’ll be homeless!”_

_“People give lives for their family, won’t you give your mere house?”_

_“But will she, 100% survive?”_

_I turn grim again, “We can’t say that, I’ll do my best but it’s all God’s plan”, I point my hands up, “Pray to Optimus Prime”_

_“I thought he only specialises in cars?”_

_“Shhhh, don’t say that about the God! He looks over all the machines without discrimination. Hail Lord Optimus Prime!”_

_She tries to suppress her smile._

_I reach for my tool box, take a long wire and insert a bolt and wear it as a chain._

_“What’s that?”_

_“This is the symbol of God, I’m his servant, let me bless Ms. Lightening McKing for a speedy recovery” I pretend to chant prayers and draw on the seat and proceed to do a funny dance._

_She bursts out laughing, her eyes becoming watery as she grabs her stomach and tilts her head back._

_Her laughter fills my heart with happiness and warmth._

_At that moment, I could have given her anything and everything._

_I sit beside her and without realising it, I grab one of her hand gently as she tries to stop her laughter._

_As she catches her breathe and calms down, she feels her hand inside mine and removes it, my hand left longing for her warmth and clenches the air._

_“Sorry” she turns away from me, her cheeks flustering quickly._

_Tell her, tell her, you won’t get another chance, TELL HER._

_“Hey, umm”_

_“Yeah?” she turns to face me and gazing in her eyes, my words die on my tongue, I open my mouth but I can’t speak, I’m suddenly aware of the dingy garage, the scent overwhelming my senses and I could clearly see lights reflecting off the metal and the ridiculous wire that was around my neck. I try to speak again,_

_‘I like you, I like you so much it drives me crazy every day, I want you to hold me and play with my hair as I fall asleep, I want to wake up with you saying “I love you”, I want to spend my Sunday breakfasts with you cooing me food. Be my girlfriend, you can have my heart, you already have it anyway, I’ll be yours forever, and I will take good care of you. I’ll never let you go.’_

_That’s what I wanted to say._

_That’s what I should have said._

_But what came out of my mouth was,_

_“Can I have a glass of water?”_

___________________________________________________________________________

The noise of Kai and Bong So screaming drags me out of my memory.

Taehyun-ah hastily switches the lights on, She wakes up at the chaos and sits upright, “What’s happening?” she rubs her eyes.

“HE threw a fake spider at me!” Bong So accuses.

“I did NOT, it was YOU!” he stands up pointing at her.

“Wait, where’s the toy?” Yeonjun asks.

They start to search for it and suddenly Kai shouts, “It’s moving! It’s not a toy! It’s a real spider!!!”

“AHHHHHHH”, Soobin hyung screams and jumps on the couch hugging Yeonjun hyung who looks equally terrified.

Bong So and Kai stomp around the room, throwing pillows and blankets everywhere.

“All of you SHUT UP!! Shut up before my neighbours call the cops on us!!” She tries to calm the situation.

She pulls the hyungs off the couch and pushes them inside the other room and chases the maknae and her best friend behind them.

“You two!” she talks to Taehyun-ah and I, “Help me search for the spider”

We obediently lift the bed sheets and shake them to find our uninvited guest.

“Taehyun! There! There!” she points at the spider crawling away, Taehyun grabs the little arachnid, I open the window for him to let it out.

“Go ahead, buddy. Go home”

“The spider is gone. Come out” she calls for the others.

They peep out one by one, “It’s really gone?” Yeonjun asks.

I sigh.

“You are in your mid twenties, hyung. You are supposed to save us but you run off at the first opportunity”

The laughter spreads across the room.

“Hehe”, Soobin hyung mocks YJ.

“Hello, you also ran along with him okay?” Taehyun points out.

We laugh again.

“Well, movie night was a mess” Kai scratches his neck.

“Yeah” murmurs of agreement are heard.

“The movie was boring as well”, I say, “I no longer want to continue it.”

“Same”, Taehyun agrees, “Let’s leave then”

“I agree”, Soobin hyung yawns, “I’m tired”

“You guys are going nowhere until you clean up my living room”, she folds her arms.

We spend the next few minutes arranging and cleaning before we leave her house.

We pile up inside the car and Taehyun talks to her about something and comes in last.

We wave her and Bong So goodbye.

Kai asks Taehyun about his talk with her.

I try to show no interest but my ears peak up to listen to his answer,

“Nothing much, we are just going out tomorrow”, his answer greatly bothers me. 

More than it should. I try to compose my face but for the rest of the night I cannot stop thinking about her smiling and holding hands with Taehyun and I am not able to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been trying to write all day but couldn't, then I naruto wrote this chapter and wanted to publish this on Valentine's day, to all my fellow MOAs, Happy valentines day!! hope yall had a good day today. Even if you are single, don't forget to shower love on yourself, eat cake and listen to good songs and treat yourself well!


	18. Mistakes and Redemption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's been long, I went through a small writer's block but now I'm back. My college reopens tomorrow, so the gaps between updates might increase a little. Thank you for patiently waiting! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, it took a long time to write and there might be few mistakes and I might edit it in the future. Please give me a Kudos if you like my story and leave me a comment. It would mean a lot to me.

It was a mistake.

Sitting here with him under the gray twilight sky,

Never have I ever been more aware of my surroundings in my life before,

The feathery emerald grass spreads around us like carpet, hidden behind the large oak trees.

The untamed river trickles and splashes on the rocks in front of us.

Sound of the singing insects is carried by the gentle breeze, perfumed by the colourful flora.

The dried leaves fall down gracefully on us. I spot some curious squirrels peeping at us before they return inside the tree cavities.

The whole place resembles a verse of poetry that I have stumbled into.

With Taehyun, an ethereal being who fits in the poem sitting next to me.

He hums tune that sounds familiar.

So I lean closer to him and listen.

He gives me a slight smile as he continues to hum.

The song is in the tip of my tongue but I’m not able to recall the name.

I heave a sigh, giving up.

I lie back on the grass, and face the half moon that has risen early along with the winking Venus faraway.

Love, it shines so brightly but stays out of my reach.

Like the angel who hums beside me.

Being with him gives me a euphoric feeling but it came with a price.

The higher the roller coaster went, the lower I fell and I knew. I knew I should either confess my feelings or I should dig a hole right here and bury them but we can’t control the way we feel. I have learnt over the years that the heart was an idiot.

“I found this place when I was a trainee”, Taehyun tells me.

“When I doubted myself, if I could ever debut and achieve my dreams, I came here.

And it made me feel better about myself.

It felt like home and comforting. Somehow I feel like it tells me that everything was going to be okay.

It’s special because it made me feel that way in a short period of time.

I only ever felt it twice in my life.

First here and second,

With you.”

His last words make me sit upright, 

‘with you, with you, with you’

It echoes through my racing mind with possibilities, 

What if? 

What if? 

What if he likes me back?

Taehyun takes a deep breath and it makes me realise I was holding mine in.

I let out a shaky breath, anticipant to hear the next words, momentarily lightheaded and trying to focus on him.

“You mean… a lot to me. Right from that night after the concert, you somehow make me feel better and comfortable whenever I’m around you. I wanted to show this place. Thank you….. for… being my… friend”

_Friend._

_Friend._

The roller coaster had finally come to a crashing end.

The word hangs heavy in the air and suddenly I want to run away from the place. My heart is ripped out and exposed to the harsh air that feels acidic, burning my eyes.

The poetry verse transforms into a poignant lyric that stabbed my soul.

I feel like the river has drowned me.

A river of pain.

_****Friend.** ** _

What a beautiful word that beautifully broke my heart. I would never look at it the same way again.

It gave me the only confirmation that I needed to hunt down my hopes, the wild flowers that grew around my heart,

The jolt that woke me up from the dream that I built while I was still awake.

_But how could I hate it?_

It was the only thing that tied me to this boy who held my heart and even if he had dropped it unknowingly, 

I was the reason behind it,

_How could I blame him?_

I clench my hand,

And I speak out, avoiding his gaze, “You mean a lot to me too, I’m g-glad I met you and I’m glad we are f-friends”, my voice cracks at the end, my throat feels like ash and eyes filling up with flaming tears.

Taehyun’s phone starts ringing and he gets up moving away to answer it away from the loud river stream.

I let out a gasp and I desperately try to hide the overflowing tears, _not here, not in front of him_ , but I lose the fight, they have no intention of stopping now that the storm had finally enclosed me.

Taehyun returns with a smile but he sees me and it falls.

“What happened?” he kneels beside me, concerned.

I shake my head, “I……suddenly m-miss my p-p-parents” and I wasn’t exactly lying.

All I wanted to do was lie on my father’s lap and cry my heart out.

Taehyun’s eyes soften.

He gently leans and holds my hand as I wipe my tears.

I force on a weak smile and remove my hand from his grip before his touch could kill me further.

It was a mistake coming here, I realise.

Because now all I can think about is Taehyun and how he will never be mine.

________________________________________________________________________________

Mistakes.

What both of them had done were mistakes.

Taehyun’s hesitation and a word slip had changed everything.

He had wanted to continue.

‘I wish we were more than friends though.

I have liked you ever since the day I saw you.

I liked you so much that when I saw you entering the Library that day, I couldn’t stop my legs from following you inside.

Like an idiot, I stood there with the cups of coffee debating to whether approach you or not.

Over the past weeks, you have grown dearer to me.

More than I could ever imagine.

I want to love you more.

I want to get lost in the stars in your eyes. I will write songs and sing them for you. Be there through your tears and smiles. 

Will you accept me? 

Will you let me stay by your side?’

But Taehyun was never a person who was able to talk about his feelings openly. He never wore his heart on his sleeves. The words hover on his lips, however before he could continue, the reply had come.

“I’m glad we are friends”, the words tumbled out,

And it silenced him.

Both of the hearts fell into despair and lost in its own turmoil and were unable to see that the other one was also going through the same thing.

He should have continued regardless of it.

He should have opened up.

Why didn’t he?

Why _couldn’t_ he?

Jane Austen had said “If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more”

But that affection had been the cause behind the mistake.

The time had slipped out of his hand,

Perhaps fate loved to play games,

And there was a small twist in plans.

The destiny wasn’t that lenient,

It gave them a chance,

And they both failed to take it.

But when she reached her home, shattered, too tired to cry over the broken pieces of her heart and silently praying to escape from the pain that was drowning her,

Someone was waiting for her.

To whom the fate was kind enough to give a second chance,

Or maybe it just bent itself for the brave ones.

And he had decided to create his own opportunity.

Standing on her front porch with his toolbox and a bouquet of yellow roses,

Choi Beomgyu was waiting for her.

And his heart was tied to his sleeve.


	19. My Drug

I walk towards my front gate after waving Taehyun goodbye.

I'm a zombie inside.

When the heart falls sick, it drags down the whole body along with it.

Years of studying psychology but I was a servant to my emotions.

The words rung in my ears, repeatedly crushing and cracking my heart open.

My eyelids heavy on my sore eyes.

I stand in front of the cherry gate that I painted with my father when I was young.

  
How I wish to go back to those days.

  
When did the red that reminded me of the cherry start to look like blood split on a war field?

  
A war.

That I fought with myself.

I could win but the one I defeated was still me.

  
It feels like opening the gate would unleash the demons that I had kept locked inside of me.

  
Unable to touch the gate that invokes horrible thoughts in my mind.

  
I stand.

  
I stand staring at it.

  
The gate begins to open slowly.

  
And for a moment it terrifies me.

  
I want to take a step back but my legs refuse to move.

  
The gate opens and,

  
It's nothing that I was afraid of.

  
It's an angel.

  
I stand frozen at the sight of the angel that smiles at me.

  
I feel like it's here to save me.

The first rays of a sun.

The boy stands looking awkward but his feet firmly planted on the ground.

Holding a bunch of yellow roses, he scratches his neck, grabs my hand and pulls me onto the porch, I follow the boy without questioning.

He faces me and take a deep breath,

"Umm.

  
I couldn't wait any longer.

  
I should have done this long before."

  
He takes a shaky breath.

"I-I like you."

  
I blink at him.

"I like you", he repeats, clear and strong.

"I always have. Since the day you fell into my arms at the hospital.

  
I'm not good at saying poetic things and expressing my feelings with words but I know I can show my love through my gestures. And I know if you accept me as yours, I will keep you happy.

I can't explain all thes- all these emotions that I experience for you right now.

  
All I can say is that I like you.

  
I like you so much.

  
It hurts me every day that I can't show it to you.

Will you accept my heart?"

  
I have never seen the angel this way before.

He looks so beautiful, I realize.

I notice his golden brown eyes,

  
His eye wrinkles as he smiles widely,

And the love and fear inside his eyes, waiting for my reply.

  
The light shines from his eyes.

It shines for _me._

How have I not noticed this before?

Glimpses of memories invade my thoughts.

His laughter when he jokes with me.

The way he nibbles on his lip when he concentrates on something.

His touch.

His soft delicate touch on my hand.

How gentle he was around me.

  
How he had levitated towards me in every crowded room.

Every single gesture that I had dismissed as his kindness towards everyone.

Hundreds of memories pop up one by one and each adding more and more light inside my dark heart.

How comfortable and free I had been around him.

How I never had to think twice before I acted around him.

  
When I had thought all hopes had been snatched from me, when I felt the sun had set and darkness threatening to take over, the storm dissolved.

  
I discovered a small patch of flowers that grew, without my knowledge, under a rock.

  
A patch of daisies in the meadow.

  
I feel like my heart has been pumped with new vigor as I feel my affection growing towards the boy who is standing in front of me.

The affection I never knew that existed.

My heart broke open and spilling all the secrets out for me to see.

The bigger red cover falling away and exposing the faint yellow that grew underneath.

As I see the new color inside my heart, my knees weaken.

Allowing me to finally lean on someone else.

I fall myself forward into Beomgyu's shoulder and hugging his waist.

I feel him jolt back in surprise but he wraps a single arm around me.

We continue to stay in that position for a few minutes before he starts shifting, he enters the pass code and takes me inside the living room.

  
Placing the bouquet of roses on the table, he switches the lights on.

  
I stand without moving, silent tears flowing down on my cheeks, head bowed down.

  
He stands in front of me and he sees it,

  
"Are you crying? What happened?" he grabs my shoulders.

That's all it takes for me to break down for the second time.

I wrapped myself in his arms, burying my face on his jacket and tears flood out slowly.

He didn't seem to mind or hesitate as he hugged me tighter this time.

I listen to the sound of his heartbeat for a while after my tears stopped.

  
It calmed me down. 

His scent intoxicating me.

  
When I pulled away, I found myself looking deep into his eyes, they seemed so gentle and kind, he delicately held my face between his palms.

  
My cheeks cool against his warm hands.

  
He leans closer, my heart skips a beat.

  
As I continue gazing into his eyes, I feel the warmth and I feel the affection and longing he held for me, and that love pulls me in deeper.

It engulfed me tearing me away from my sorrow and into his world.

  
He waited calmly.

  
He waited for my permission.

I see his lips trembling inches away from mine. I could still pull away.

  
I didn't.

  
I _couldn't._

  
Not when I was this vulnerable and craving for love.

From the intensity of his gaze and my throbbing heart, I close my eyes and closed the gap between us.

  
When our lips collided, a heat spreads out from the middle of my chest, throughout my body that making my knees weak.

I reached out and wrapped my hands around his nape, pulling him closer as much as I could and leaning into him for support.

His kiss is like a flame that burns me slowly, asking for more, the soft lips don't just engulf my lips but also my mind and soul.

  
It demands me to handover them.

  
It doesn't take any time for me to dissolve in his passion.

One of his hands drop and wraps itself around my waist, he leans down and turns his face, trying to get closer than he already was. 

Breathing me in. 

As I tried breathing him in.

He tastes like strawberries, sweet and sour. Incessant and gentle.

  
Drug.

  
He was a drug.

A drug that would heal my broken soul.

As his lips claimed me, he told me he was _my_ drug.

And now that I have tasted them, it would take me a long time to forget him.

I break out to catch my breath heavily.

He doesn't let go of his hand around my torso.

  
He smiles as he tucks my hair behind and traces patterns on my cheeks and his thumb outlines my lower lip, I hear his silent request.

  
I smile back and stand on my toes and connect with his lips again. He smiles against my lips before responding. He invades his way into all my thoughts and drives my sorrow away.

That night he was all I could think of.

  
Beomgyu.

  
He held me in his strong arms. Cuddling me in his warmth. And his small kisses on my shoulder. The boy who had completely transported me into his world. His world where he was alone with me. 

And I knew I belonged there. 

A place he gave me, where I never thought I would find my happiness.

But I would try.

I would try my best to give him happiness back.

And when he had left, I fall asleep on the sofa with my blanket still smelling like him.

  
His scent intoxicating long after he is gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks and shout out to my best friend and my soulmate, Lirid for agreeing to become my beta reader and always making me feel better and encouraging me so much. I love you so much.
> 
> and for my dear readers, thank you for supporting my story. Don't forget to give me a kudos and leave me a comment of your thoughts about this chapter.
> 
> Taehyun stans, I apologize for this chapter.
> 
> And for Beomgyu stans....... I'm still sorry for this chapter but hope you enjoyed it ;) 
> 
> ( I also want to highlight the importance of consent here, please remember that your body is yours and you need to be clear and firm about your boundaries and respect others too. Do not let anyone cross that *without your permission*, no matter who they are. Stay bold and safe.)
> 
> ( Song that helped me write this chapter: Strawberries and cigarettes by Troye Sivan )


	20. Bumblebee's yellow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update!!!

She hugs him tight, her face concealed deep inside his jacket, arms around his waist and it looks like she never wants to let him go. The boy hugs her back, the dew of his roses dripping like honey from his movement.

Under the orange light of the front porch, they look like a perfect couple right out of a movie which leaves the audience yearning for love.

But not this time,

The heart of the boy standing near the gate is crushed by this scene.

With tears blurring his vision and arrows piercing his soul, Kang Taehyun clenches the scarf she left behind in his car and runs away from the sight of the girl he loves in the arms of his beloved hyung.

______________________________________________________________

****Your POV** **

I don’t know what time it is in the dark living room when I open my eyes, I lay feeling numb and blank before the memories of yesterday start flooding in.

First Taehyun’s words echoes, pricking my heart like a thorn growing from within, I sigh. Sometimes no matter how much you love someone, it just isn’t meant to be.

And after a point, you need to move away and wish happiness for the other person even if it’s not with you.

Loving him was like chasing a mirage, I knew from the start that my hopes were futile and I was dreaming of catching a comet.

I figured it is the best for me to move on.

And not miss the oasis that I found while chasing for the ocean.

Oasis.

Beomgyu.

His face flashes before my eyes and brings on a smile.

I bury my face in the pillows as I remember our kiss.

_Oh god. How did I get that brave?_

I scream silently out of embarrassment and disbelief.

I can still feel his lips moving against mine and it makes my nose more sensitive to his fragrance in the blanket wrapped around me.

I sniff the cloth more to inhale the scent and it makes my heart flutter.

A part of me is still surprised to discover my affection for Beomgyu, how easy it was to fall into his arms and feel at home.

_‘Ahhhhhh, Beomgyuuuuu’_

I shuffle on the couch, feeling giddy like a school kid.

The sound of the footsteps and pass code being entered makes me peek up.

The door opens, and the person of my thoughts, enters, hesitantly.

I sit upright immediately, trying to tackle my messy hair and fixing my clothes and smile sheepishly, feeling guilty as if he has heard my thoughts.

Choi Beomgyu looks damn good even in the morning, he wore a black yellow striped shirt and casual jeans.

He sees my smile and it feels like a burden has been lifted off his back because his face lightens up and he sighs in relief.

He places a bag on the table, “I bought you bagels and coffee”

“Ah. Thank you”, I continue to tame my hair down and try to look decent.

He looks up at me and grins at my struggle.

He sits beside me, holds my hand back and stares into my eyes, 

“You look pretty”

His gaze is so sincere and full of love that makes me flush red.

I smile widely and avoiding his eye contact.

Beomgyu wraps his hand around me, resting his face on my shoulders drawing me closer.

My breath falters.

I slowly rest my head on top of his.

He shifts, pulling us down on the couch, continuing to cuddle me from behind.

I feel his heart beating strongly against his chest.

“You like me, right?” he whispers to me.

Before I was able to process his question, the reply left me, 

“I do.”

He sighs and pulls me closer to him.

“I was so scared.

I didn’t get a proper answer from you last night. And you were crying and I thought maybe our k-k-kiss happened just in the intensity of the m-moment and maybe you would push me a-away”, He speaks out stuttering and I realise he was showing me his vulnerability.

My heart melts into a puddle.

I turn back to face him. Seeing him this close to me, my heart races.

His golden brown eyes stare deep into my soul. I could see a tint of fear in them.

My hand reaches out on its own to play with his dark hair and slowly descends and touches his soft cheek.

He sighs again, closing his eyes.

“I like you.

I-I didn’t realise it until you confessed yesterday.

But,

I like you.

A lot”

I manage to get the words out and a part of my feels relief but another side tugs me in the opposite direction, Taehyun, the part of me which still has feelings for him.

And my words tumble out,

“I-I won’t lie to you by saying that I only have you in my heart”

Beomgyu opens his eyes at my words.

“I did… I mean… I do like someone else but….. I have decided to m-move o-on from him” I have to be honest with him.

I cannot keep this from him, I roll off and sit upright on the table beside him and take a deep breath.

“However, when I am with you, you are the only person I think of, I feel s-so free and happy around you and that’s what makes me realise my feelings.

I know that it does sound complicated and messy and I don’t understand it myself.

When I’m with you, you make me forget my sorrow and you give me hope.

And I genuinely like you a lot and although I may not be able to commit to you 100% emotionally, I’m trying my best to.

I don’t want to hide anything from you, I just want to ask you to give me some time.” 

He sits up, facing me, I can’t read his expression and that scares me so I continue to ramble.

“I don’t want sound like I’m trying to use yo-”

Beomgyu suddenly presses his lips on mine, silencing me for a moment and leans away.

“Take all the time that you need, I’ll wait for you. Just- Just don’t leave me”

I sit in shock processing what just happened, his words reassuring me but then anger takes over me.

“You idiot!” I stand up and throw a pillow at him.

His eyes widen, “W-wha-what?”

“I didn’t even brush my teeth yet! Why did you kiss me!?” I shake my head in horror, testing my breath on my palm.

His staggered face fades and Beomgyu starts to laugh out loud, face palming.

I scowl at him.

“Ok Ok, you go freshen up” he continues to chuckle.

I roll my eyes and storm inside my room, secretly smiling.

_____________________________________________________________

I enter my kitchen where I hear a soulful voice and smell an appetizing aroma coming from.

Beomgyu is frying eggs and toast and he is singing Fairy of shampoo. The coffee cups and bagels were taken out of their bag.

“I thought the radio was on” I fold my arms and lean on the doorway.

He turns back,

“ _She’s my fairy of shampoo,_

 _From this moment on, I will love her_ ”

He waltzes towards me and extends his hand.

I raise my eyebrows but I take it, he swirls me around and tugs me in, 

and we are dancing.

With his arm wrapped around my waist and mine around his nape, he guides us around in slow circles still singing, I can’t stop giggling.

Love makes us all grow younger.

I lose myself inside his eyes, at that moment nothing else mattered, just him and I.

We come to a still, he tucks my wet hair behind my ear,

“Can I kiss you now?” he asks me.

I nod, feeling lightheaded.

He leans forward and pecks my lips.

I respond to his kiss, it’s different from the soft flame that ignited my bones last night. He is playful with me now, expressing his joy. Happy shudders run down my spine.

But something makes me break free from him and stare at him,

“As much as I like this, I would prefer you don’t burn down my house”

Only then he realises the eggs are burning, he gasps and runs towards the stove to salvage them.

We sit eating when he speaks up,

“Sooooo”

“Soooooooo”, I repeat.

“Today is our day one”, he applies peanut butter on his toast.

“Hmm”

“Call in sick from your work today. Let’s go out”

“B-but”

“No buts, you are coming with me and that’s final.”

I press my lips to a thin line.

I could convince him but I didn’t want to either; it was a long time since I had dated someone since high school so I was excited to spend time with Beomgyu.

My boyfriend.

It sounds strange even inside my mind.

And another thought arises,

“One condition” I hold up my finger.

“I will not call you Oppa”


	21. Because we are a family (2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Better late than never, but its so mind blowing to realise we have been with these five beautiful and talented boys for two years now. We watched them grow up and achieve so much in a short span of time. Debuting after the biggest boy band in the planet, having to face the immense pressure and expectations and working so damn hard to make Tomorrow X Together, a brand by itself, I couldn’t be more proud of our boys and their dedication. TXT and MOAs are a beautiful family and I'm glad to be a part of it. 
> 
> I didn’t realise our anniversary was around the corner when I wrote this chapter but I’m glad I did. Hope you guys enjoy it!
> 
> Happy 2nd anniversary, my fellow MOAs! Here’s to many more years of happiness and memories together!)

****Third person POV** **

****

****

“Where’s Tae hyung?” Kai inquires, suddenly stopping his guitar strumming, the boys all look at Yeonjun.

He stops playing the piano and turns to face them.

The emotions drop in the studio at the look on their hyung’s face.

Soobin and Beomgyu stop bickering about their gaming skills and pay attention.

“He called me and said he was going to stay at his parent’s house for the time being and work from there, he will be here when we start practicing our choreo”

“Huh? All of a sudden?” Soobin raises his eyebrows.

“Yeah, he didn’t sound that good on the phone” Yeonjun looks pretty worried.

“Why don’t we visit him after we complete this bridge?” Beomgyu suggests.

“I was planning to do that but Taehyun stubbornly told us to leave him alone for a few days”

The room becomes quiet, each of the members wondering if they accidentally did something to offend the boy.

Their manager enters inside just then with new music sheets and immediately reads the solemn atmosphere. He takes a deep breath, adjusting his glasses,

“Which one of you leaked the comeback song?”

_______________________________________________________________________

The idols left the music studio, each coming up with excuses of their own,

“Time for my workout session”

“I’m going to a book café”

“I’ll go to our dorm”

“I’m leaving to the game arcade”

_“I have said this before, Beomgyu, but I’ll say it again, you cannot beat my high score”_

But unbeknownst to each other, they planned to go straight to Taehyun’s house.

Beomgyu buys comic books,

Yeonjun bought his favourite snacks,

Hueningkai goes to the dorm to take his plushies and

Soobin buys a huge ice cream pack.

30 minutes later they all find each other in Taehyun’s house.

Soobin is the last to arrive and Taehyun’s mother lets the leader in with a fond smile, “Others are waiting inside”

“Others?”

And when the members see Soobin, another fresh wave of laughter takes over them.

“We all share one brain cell, this is ridiculous” Yeonjun rolls over on the carpet.

“I don’t know if this makes us really good friends or really bad friends”, Beomgyu wipes the tears from the corner of his eyes, “He clearly told us to leave him alone”

“It makes us, Family” Yeonjun states and it makes them realise it warmly, affection for the others and euphoria spreading among them, Kai drops down to hug his hyung.

“But he doesn’t open up! Taehyun-ah! Open up! Or we will break in!” Beomgyu bangs on the door.

“Go away!” the muffled reply came from the other side.

“Don’t underestimate Soobin hyung’s strength! If he can break pots, he can break locks!” Kai threatens.

“Tsk, Tsk, I have ice cream! Open up before it melts!”

Soobin sounds like he is just a little bit more worried about the ice cream than Taehyun.

After 10 minutes of shouting, his mother gives them the spare key to open the door.

Beomgyu hurries inside and tackles Tae into a hug who glares at his mother for betraying her son before he gives up and snuggles in his hyung's embrace.

The others except Soobin, who had settled on the floor and started, eating his ice cream straight from the large container, bombarded Taehyun with questions.

The uninvited guests later squeeze themselves in the tiny bed.

“Guys, I don’t need anyone else. Let’s stay like this forever”, Hyuka states.

“Worried you won’t find a girlfriend?” Yeonjun tickles the maknae who begins to scream like a dolphin.

Soobin covers his ear to protect his ear drums.

“Ah, hyung stop, stop before we lose our hearing” Taehyun holds back the eldest.

“Speak for yourself, Yeonjun Noona. You haven’t dated in years” Hyuka teases.

Beomgyu sighs at him, “Dude. Do you _WANT_ to die?” as Taehyun tries to restraint Yeonjun who growls at the tease.

“Aish Aish, Calm down everyone” Soobin crawls in between and holds his hyung who relaxes and slumps down, the fake anger dissipating,

“I have been working too hard all these while, I have no time for anything else”

“It does get tiring” Hyuka agrees and lies on Yeonjun’s lap who strokes the younger boy’s hair in turn.

Beomgyu contemplates and speaks up, “I confessed to her yesterday night, she said yes, today was our day one”

Taehyun stiffens. He had been bracing himself for these words and he was still surprised to see that it hurts him deeply, reopening the wound in his heart, but he manages to put a small smile on for his hyung.

But the other boys don’t show any reaction at Beomgyu’s words.

Instead Yeonjun sighs deeper, staring at the ceiling and Hyuka leans more into his hyung.

“It’s about damn time” Soobin remarks.

Beomgyu had also apparently anticipated them. They were like an open book amongst each other and Beomgyu wasn’t the type to hide his fondness for a person.

They could easily read the feelings of their members but they all had missed out on Taehyun’s secretive nature. They had underestimated just how deep his feelings had grown for the girl and Taehyun didn’t want to reveal anything now, though the arrow was hanging from his chest, he loved his hyung far too much, he scoots over to Beomgyu and holds his hand, leaning on his shoulder.

“ _No matter what, we will be together, always_ ”, he whispers and everyone hears him. They know it.

The boys slowly drift to sleep while Taehyun stares at them lovingly and silent tears flowing down; somehow the bed wasn’t the only thing they occupied, it was also his heart. He looks at Beomgyu hyung who pulls the maknae and his plushies closer and burrows in.

Yes, they were family and he decides to choose them over himself. Kang Taehyun was going to hide his truth even if it would kill him.

_______________________________________________________________

Beomgyu wakes up a little later to use the restroom and for a glass of water, he bumps into Taehyun’s mother in the kitchen who is winding up for the night.

She affectionately hugs him and asks him how they were doing.

TXT always loved the sweet and kind lady, as Taehyun’s house was the nearest to Bighit, they visited it often and his mother always welcomed them warmly.

Beomgyu especially was fond of her as his own mother lived far in Daegu and he considered his friend’s mother as his own.

“Tae told us he was just feeling low and wanted some alone time but we all know how that went” Beomgyu says and sipping the water.

“Ah…..” She looks at him hesitating and decides to ask him, “Who is that girl?”

Beomgyu blinks, 

“Huh? Which girl?”

“The girl Taehyun likes”

The sentence stuns him.

He stays quiet as he processes it and Taehyun’s mother continues to talk.

“He didn’t share it with me but a mother knows when her child is hurting. We all know him he shuts himself in too easily and quickly and tries to be the stronger person. I was just wondering- if she rejected him, that’s alright- but if he didn’t even speak up to her, it would be a lot harder for him. If he didn’t, please do convince him to open up but if he did, just support him like you guys always do”

She gives a soft smile at Beomgyu’s silent nod, tells him to take care of himself and the other members and exits the kitchen.

_Taehyun likes someone._

At first, anger takes over BG and he wants to confront him but the confusion sets in, how could they miss this fact? But why did Taehyun hide it? Why didn’t he confess to any of the others and bore the pain alone?

The wave of questions wash over him and a phone call pulls him out of the tide.

‘I won’t call you Oppa’

He smiles at the name his girlfriend had changed her contact name into and the smile freezes in its place.

He could suddenly see two pieces that could possibly fit together.

But was that the answer?

He takes a deep breath before attending the call,

Choi Beomgyu was going to find out the truth his brother was hiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: Couldn't resist to flex that I've been stanning TXT since their debut. Ok bye. Hope yall are having a great day)


End file.
